Have you ever talked with someone and felt that the other person wasn’t listening to what you were saying? They appeared to be listening, but really didn’t hear you.
Have you been “that” listener – sort of, kind of listening, but not really?
Being an attentive listener can make or break a relationship. Here are 5 ways to improve your listening skills.
1. No distractions. If you’re going to have a conversation with someone – put away the distractions. I mean it! Put phones, tablets, laptops away. Turn off the T.V. and the radio. You get it – nothing that could pull your attention from our conversation.
2. Center yourself. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, let the tension go. Reflect on how you’ll know that this conversation went well. Reflect on how you are going to show up in this conversation. Let go of expectations. Embrace curiosity about the conversation.
3. Give your undivided attention. Focus on the speaker and listen with curiosity. Just listen. No coming up with retorts or figuring out what you’re going to say. Listen. What do you hear the speaker sharing with you?
4. Ask questions with curiosity. Reflect on what else would you like to know about the topic of conversation, then ask the questions.
5. Express your appreciation. Whatever the conversation, thank the speaker for talking with you. If listening was hard, say it along with the appreciation (e.g. it was hard to hear that I wasn’t there for you, and I’m glad you shared your experience).
If the conversation warrants, ask what you could do differently in the future, or if there is anything specific you can do to support the other person.
Want to learn and practice effective communication used in relationships? Couples therapy can help.