The beginnings of romance are exciting, you can’t get enough time with your partner and you both find the time and ways to make the relationship fun, surprising, and invigorating.
Fast forward to today – you’ve been together for a long time, you know all of his stories and all of her jokes. You’d rather scroll through the newsfeed or check out your social media than talk.
It’s time to spice up your relationship! Here are 5 ways to put some spark back where it belongs. In your relationship.
1. Go on a date.
Many couples stop planning and going out on dates after they’ve been together for a while. Yet, date nights offer an opportunity to communicate differently – away from the bustle of everyday life and its pesky issues. Communication offers you the opportunity to understand your partner better and to deepen your relationship.
2. Surprise each other.
Remember the chocolates you’d find on the dashboard of your car? Your favorite flowers (and not just on your birthday)? Breakfast in bed? After a while, you both stopped surprising each other. Pick it up again – do something for your partner that you know they loved but you don’t do anymore. Maybe a heartfelt letter, flowers, day trip to their favorite place, a long evening walk, bird watching, kayaking, hiking, dancing, watching the night sky, playing card games.
3. Be fully present.
When you are in the same room, be emotionally present. Being emotionally present is different than just being physically present. You can be physically present with anyone – you’re physically present sitting in a meeting at work. Show up emotionally for your partner – show them you’re listening, validate their feelings, show them you care, show them your appreciation. You get the idea.
4. Sleep in the same bed.
If you moved to a different bedroom (because he snores, she takes over the bed, or you have different schedules), get in the same bed for at least a night or two every week. Sleeping in the same bed provides opportunities for intimacy and connection. Bedtime is often be the only time you get some one-on-one time with your partner (this is especially true for couples with small children). Couples tend to have the most sex between 11:00pm and 1:00am (see this 2005 study). Of course, you can still have a healthy sex life sleeping apart, but it likely requires some planning.
5. Keep flirting.
Most often, we flirt when we are dating in the hopes for romance or a sexual encounter. Yes, flirting is an important part of long-term relationships. It makes your partner feel seen, loved, and special. It shows your partner you still find them attractive, and helps maintain a certain level of intimacy in your relationship. Find ways to keep that spark – the one that brought you together – alive.
There are a thousand more ways to spice-up your relationship – pick one and do it for you, your partner, and your relationship.
Want to reconnect with your partner, but things are just not going well? Let’s talk about how couples therapy can help.